Friday, February 20, 2009

Love Life

As of today I have not had any sexual action with another man since October. Now this might not seem long to some of my readers but this is quite a long time to me. I don't like falling into the mumbo jumbo of feeling like I need to be into a relationship to be happy, but sadly I do. Being jobless and stuck at home with nothing to do all day gets a little depressing. My mind begins to wander and make up things which ultimately makes me more depressed. Jeff and Lauren are together. Ashley has Diana. Krys, Brandon, and David are going off to be together in the RV. Teague has his girlfriend and his brother. I am alone. All alone.

Now considering this train of thought is very unhealthy I try to do things that make me not think this way. Watch television. Read books. Play video games. All these things are good. I also try to meet guys. This last action, not so much. I have made a Dlist page which I think does a good job showing off who I am and what I want. I have talked to a few guys there and sent some emails back and forth but nothing ever pans out. I found myself being attracted to a 16 year old, in my defense I thought he was at least 21. He is awesome, Bi and could be a good friend. But I think I scared him off being a complete spaz. 
Now I find myself getting interested in a friend of a friend. He is cute, funny, sees the world from the same demented point of view I do. Still sort of young, but at least legal, and yet I don't know how to proceed. My first reaction is to be up front about it, but then I get nervous and hold back, and then I end up spazzing out. This happens to me all the time. Argh!

I should just go back to my usual routine of getting straight boys drunk and bringing out their experimental side. Is it bad that I have had more sex with drunk straight boys than I have with gay boys? I think not in the short term, but if I don't get over my suckyness at talking to gay boys then I will be single forever.

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