Now considering this train of thought is very unhealthy I try to do things that make me not think this way. Watch television. Read books. Play video games. All these things are good. I also try to meet guys. This last action, not so much. I have made a Dlist page which I think does a good job showing off who I am and what I want. I have talked to a few guys there and sent some emails back and forth but nothing ever pans out. I found myself being attracted to a 16 year old, in my defense I thought he was at least 21. He is awesome, Bi and could be a good friend. But I think I scared him off being a complete spaz.
Now I find myself getting interested in a friend of a friend. He is cute, funny, sees the world from the same demented point of view I do. Still sort of young, but at least legal, and yet I don't know how to proceed. My first reaction is to be up front about it, but then I get nervous and hold back, and then I end up spazzing out. This happens to me all the time. Argh!
I should just go back to my usual routine of getting straight boys drunk and bringing out their experimental side. Is it bad that I have had more sex with drunk straight boys than I have with gay boys? I think not in the short term, but if I don't get over my suckyness at talking to gay boys then I will be single forever.